When Doctors Don’t Listen: Advocating for Yourself in the Face of Medical Gaslighting
There’s nothing quite like the heartbreak of finally working up the courage to ask for help with your health—only to be dismissed.
You walk in hopeful, anxious, maybe carrying years of unspoken symptoms.
You walk out with a vague diagnosis, a prescription for anxiety, or no follow-up at all.
You start to wonder if you’re overreacting.
You’re not.
Medical gaslighting is real. And if you’ve experienced it, I’m so sorry.
What Medical Gaslighting Can Look Like:
Being told your symptoms are "just stress" or "nothing to worry about"
Feeling rushed, minimized, or talked over
Leaving appointments more confused—or more ashamed—than when you arrived
Starting to question your own reality
This is more common than it should be. Especially for women. Especially for people of color. Especially for those with chronic, invisible, or complex conditions.
If this is you? You’re not too much. You’re not making it up. And you’re not alone.
How to Advocate for Yourself (Even When You’re Tired)
Let’s be honest—advocating for yourself when you’re already sick, exhausted, or overwhelmed is no small thing. Here are some steps that might help you move through it with a little more strength and clarity.
1. Trust Your Body
You know what you feel. You know when something is off.
Even if someone with a white coat and clipboard says otherwise.
Write it down. Say it out loud. Let your knowing be enough to keep going.
2. Keep Records
Track your symptoms. Dates. Patterns. Medication reactions.
Bring a notebook to appointments. Write down what’s said.
You don’t need to be perfect—you just need a paper trail that supports what you already know: your experience is real.
3. Be Direct (and Repeat Yourself if Needed)
It's okay to say, "That doesn’t feel like a full answer to me.”
Or, "I’d like to request this test or referral."
You are not being difficult. You are being thorough—for your own sake.
4. Bring Someone With You
Having a friend, partner, or family member in the room can make a difference.
They can take notes, speak up, or just remind you: You're not imagining things.
5. It’s Okay to Walk Away
If a provider isn’t listening—really listening—you’re allowed to find someone who will.
You are not required to stay loyal to a doctor who won’t treat you with respect.
You deserve better than that.
The Emotional Weight of Not Being Believed
Medical gaslighting isn’t just frustrating—it’s traumatizing.
It erodes your confidence. It chips away at your self-trust.
And after enough dismissals, even asking for care can feel impossible.
This is where emotional healing matters, too.
Ways to Support Your Heart While You Advocate:
Acknowledge the hurt. You're allowed to be angry, sad, scared, or tired.
Find spaces where you're believed. Whether it's a support group, a coach, or a trusted friend—find your mirror.
Practice self-compassion. You are doing the best you can in a system that too often fails people like you. That is not your fault.
Coaching Can Be Part of This Process
Coaching isn’t medical advice—but it is a place where your story is safe.
I know what it’s like to feel brushed off, misdiagnosed, and forced to advocate when you can barely function.
If you’re rebuilding trust in your body, your instincts, or your voice—coaching can hold space for that.
You don’t have to carry this alone.
You Deserve to Be Heard
You deserve doctors who treat you with respect.
You deserve answers, not dismissals.
You deserve to trust yourself again.
Keep going. Your voice matters.
And you are not asking for too much.